After writing this I noticed that JT Eberhart also contributed a response on his blog. It takes a different tack, but of course I like it: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/wwjtd/2014/12/if-you-dont-believe-in-god-why-do-you-care-if-i-pray/

The last place I encountered this was on a Facebook post by a family member. Perhaps it was directed at one person somewhere, but it was presented to everyone. And perhaps it was a rhetorical question, but I’ll take it as an honest inquiry for which they were requesting responses. Like many questions we atheists here from believers, this one falls under a category similar to PRATT (Previously Refuted A Thousand Times), even though it’s not so much a claim to refute as a question to be addressed. While there’s no doubt all atheists will continue to respond to this question until the end of time, it’s helpful for me to blog it so that a record exists where I and others (at least those who agree with my response) can refer people the next time we’re asked. While it can be aggravating at first to argue with such bumper sticker questions that oversimplify a line of discussion almost to the point that one cannot respond to it, I think there’s value in recognizing that many people see these questions as drop-the-mic-and-walk-away convincing, triumphant statements. I also don’t think they’re being dishonest; I think they’re making an honest inquiry to which they would appreciate an answer. For those reasons I think it’s worthwhile to respond.

I have several responses to this particular question of why do I care if you pray to God. I’ll try to categorize my responses into the short answer, the longer answer, and the complicated answer.

Why do I care if you pray to God? The short answer: I don’t.

You pray at church, you pray at home, you pray at the restaurant booth next to me, you pray on the bus, you pray on the sidewalk, you pray in your car, you even pray quietly in my house before you eat while I, at worst, go on about whatever my activities are or, at best, sit quietly and virtually reverently while you carry out your ritual. At your house, I listen while you pray out loud before those meals. Your house, your rules, doesn’t bother me.

This particular inquiry posted on Facebook was from a family member. I love this family member like I love all of my family, partly because they’re my family and partly because they’re wonderful people. I suppose there are some things that my family could do that could make me stop loving them, but they would have to be pretty atrocious. Praying is not even in the same solar system as those activities and, in my opinion, has pretty much no bearing on whether you are a good person or not. I don’t know that I could say with any certainty that praying has a net negative result. My only concerns with your prayer are articulated in the third section and they’re up for debate. So for the most part, pray away. I don’t care. My wife prays. Just ask her how much it upsets me.

Why do I care if you pray to God? The longer answer: I don’t… for the most part.

The longer answer is the same as the short answer above with a few caveats. There are circumstances in which I might care, like if you are a government body or official and you utilize your government position or the government time to endorse a religion or to pressure, ostracize, or “out” people who don’t share your religious beliefs or who have no religious beliefs. The same pretty much goes for employers. Many people don’t share the majority religious position, but don’t want it to be known what their private beliefs are. If you hold a prayer at the start of a City Council meeting, you could negatively impact people of minority beliefs easily. You could make them feel that they are not represented, or you could influence their impressionable children using government time to share your religion (granted there usually aren’t many kids at City Council meetings, but just change the scenario to a school and the argument becomes more significant).

Often overlooked as a negative impact in government or employer lead prayer is the “outing” effect. If a member of a minority religion doesn’t feel like sharing their religious belief with others, then they’re left with the undesirable choice of bowing to someone else’s god or unwillingly sharing their religious disagreement with others.

Basically, in government, school, and employment, there’s no need to engage in these activities in a manner publicly endorsed by officials in order to carry out the bodies’ duties, so why not leave prayer as an individual activity instead of using it to endorse a religious belief through supposedly pluralistic establishments? Besides, such is the suggestion of Jesus himself when in Matthew 6:5-6, he says, “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Why do I care if you pray to God? The complicated answer: I don’t… for the most part… but let’s talk about it anyway.

As Matt Dillahunty likes to say, “I care about beliefs because beliefs inform your actions.” For this reason, he also says, “I want to hold as many true beliefs and as few false beliefs as possible.” This is because accurate beliefs about cause and effect relationships within our world help us to predict the consequences of our actions and decisions. Thinking that God will answer prayers, that God has plans, that God wants things from you, all introduce a hypothesis of the behavior of the universe that is undemonstrated to say the least.

There may be some value in accepting that humans, no matter how flawed we are, are the only thing we can look to to make the world better, at least insofar as we can focus our efforts on the people around us and the one world we have to inhabit. There’s no doubt in my mind that belief in God and an afterlife can heavily persuade us toward two dangerous positions: (1) that God will somehow make the world better if enough of us follow him and (2) if he doesn’t make it better, then it was in his plan to let it go and he’ll take the believers to a better place anyway. As long as the world can make it a few more foreseeable generations so that all of your known family gets to join you, it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing. If you’re wrong about that and you become complacent about the world and the next 10,000 possible generations because of your belief, then a lot of people have a lot to lose for it. As Ayn Rand (generally one of my least favorite people) appropriately stated, “We can ignore reality all we want, but we cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.”

On the other hand, prayer and belief in God can give you comfort. I don’t doubt that for a moment either. When you lose a loved one, there’s little that can give you any comfort like the idea that you may see them again someday. That comfort is worth something, but it comes with the price of misjudging the mechanics of the universe, which can reasonably be expected to have some noticeable consequences. Sam Harris asks what price we are willing to pay for such comfort?

I wish to hold true beliefs. I don’t know for certain that God exists, but until that existence is demonstrated sufficiently, I don’t include God in any of my models about the cause and effect of our actions. Is that worth the loss of some comfort? Sometimes I’ll probably say it’s not, because sometimes the world is a little more difficult when you realize it may not end with everyone living in bliss for eternity, but I recognize that our odds of having the best possible existence for ourselves and future generations likely lie in recognizing reality and doing our best with it. Reality is the option I choose.

Of course, this position of mine toward prayer and beliefs can only be correct if your God does not exist. If I have misjudged the reality of God’s existence because of evidence that I have ignored or misunderstood, then I’m wrong and you’re right, and I would hope I would come (back) around to your position as a believer. But you asked why I care and now you have my answer.